Today I am happily exhausted from a whirlwind week of maid of honor duty to a fantastic wedding celebration. Today is my vacation from vacation to unpack, clean, restock, and laundry. Two and half hours of laundry and putting away said laundry. I truly question why we aren’t nudist. As our blitz has ended, I wondered how we aren’t in worse shape. My answer came. I was selfish. A little bit.
There truly is an imbalance with the selfish concept. People are egotistical assholes or martyrs burning before their time. I don’t want to be either. Chances are neither do you. This past week was dedicated to my sister and ultimately her fiancee, but mainly my sister. The whole week I had my niece too. Parts of the week I had an additional one to all four of my children plus my husband. There was time spending with family plus bonding with new family. Our schedules were out of whack. Tons of travel and car time. My usual yoga and meditation time, exercise time were thrown out the window. It really could have been hell. But it wasn’t. Because I am a little bit selfish.
For so long I watch all these super pinterest moms do these incredible things that I can never do. I was barely surviving. When I started my weight loss journey, it turned into a wellness journey. Self care is a huge part of that journey. It requires me to be a little bit selfish. One of the biggest things I had to learn was boundaries, especially in my household. When I say something I mean it and it’s not okay for it to be ignored. This is a perfectly healthy boundary. It does mean accepting what ever responses are handed back to me. And you have to wait. Thirty minutes ago I was on the elliptical and my preschool son wanted some milk. He had to wait and he didn’t die. I got my uninterrupted time. Pick your boundaries to protect your self and care routine with reasonable expectations.
I am covetous of my shower and morning routine. Some things take precedent due to whatever reason. But it better be a FREAKING great reason. Bathing, make up, brushing my teeth or not negotiable to be undonne. They shouldn’t be for you either. I have four children plus my niece and I make it happen. It may be an epic Olympic dash, but you bet your ass it happens. You don’t have excuse. You and I need it. Those things are basic; how you dress and under dress is essential. It was a commitment I made to myself to dress nicely everyday including what’s under the dress after deciding to be an “at home mom.” Even if it’s jeans in a t- shirt. No holes or stains, clean, and chosen with intention. Most days I am at home or in the neighborhood with the kids. It is not for anyone but me. I have a limited budget and get creative. You don’t have spend a lot to look and feel good. My sister’s Bachlorette party (photo) I felt incredible and the only major change from my daily routine was a little black dress. It gave me the confidence to shamelessly dance like a white girl. Take the time for hygiene and dress, it’s a powerful confidence boost.
Take time to in pour by yourself and with other selves. My yoga and meditation practice is what keeps me from the power drain on a daily basis. Exercise, being in nature, reading, and being creative are other ways I in pour. Either by myself or with others. If you do not in pour, you have nothing to out pour. We had a long drive home yesterday but we drove by one of my favorite places to hike in North Carolina. We had to take the detour. It was moment shared with two of my children. We took in the nature. Bonded with each other. Taking that extra thirty minutes to walk around Pilot Mountain uplifted us and made the drive more bearable. In pour. Daily.
Know your limitations. NO is potent word. You or I are not less in a respectful no and knowing where our limitations are. Additionally, don’t be afraid to ask for help or receive help. YES is a potent word. Thanks to grandparents taking kids this past week was far more possible. Seriously, thank you grandparents. The other bridesmaids really put together an amazing party. I didn’t ask for help and setting ego aside, it was a fabulous event that celebrated my sister. It seems selfish to say no or have help, but you may be robbing someone else of a needed opportunity. Be a little bit selfish.
When you invest in self care, in pour to yourself, and set those limitations this allows for more selflessness. Be a little bit selfish. I was able to give more to my sister, family, and this celebration. And enjoy it!! We can come back and continue without feeling depleted. You need to be little bit selfish to be selfless.
*originally posted on September 26, 2017